Waves of Grace

My family got to spend Spring Break on the beach in Gulf Shores for the week thanks to an organization called Waves of Grace.  This week changed my entire outlook on this cancer journey.  I came home a different person.  I was able to watch my children play for hours each morning, carefree.  They got to forget about cancer.  Lymphoma.  Chemo.  Treatments.  Medicine.  Mom’s button (my port).  Having to be quiet while mama naps.  They were able to just be.  

My Moses got to run and squeal with joy into the waves and back out again.  He got to crouch and sneak up on and chase seagulls (don’t worry, he didn’t catch any).   He never got shhhh-ed because he could be himself.  As loud as he wanted.  He was in God’s creation and he was free to be Moses.  He dug hole after hole in the sand.  He built mounds and then smashed them.  He collected feathers.  He alerted us every time pelicans flew by and how many.  He shares the love of pelicans with his mama.   He was my Moses and he did not have to worry about mom being sick.

My Nonie did countless cartwheels.  I was so impressed with her perseverance especially after she figured out it was harder in the sand than she thought.  She boogie boarded.  She is by far my bravest and went out the furthest in the ocean with her granddad.   She jumped waves and giggled.  She built sand castles with her baby sister and danced with her BFF Wylie making up routine after routine.  I hate that she has had to grow up so much over this past year, but I am so proud she was able to.  She has cared for me over the past month or so like an adult.  Putting me to bed.  Tucking me in.  Rubbing my back when I cried.  Telling me I would feel better soon.  But not while we were at the beach.  She was my 7 year old Nonie.  She loved on me but she didn’t have to see me as sick.  She saw me happy and doing cartwheels with her.  Yes, I can still do a mean cartwheel and yes I was sore the next day!  Ha!

My Wylie takes it all in.  She hasn’t said much about this whole process.  However, she wants to be near me.  If she can’t be, it greatly affects her mood.  At the beach, she got to be with me 24/7 for a week straight.  This is by far the most my children have gotten to be with me let alone while I actually felt good.  Her confidence blew up.  She danced and danced and danced on the beach.  She sang at the top of her lungs.  Ran along the beach.  She attempted to jump waves and run into the water.  She played with her baby sister and chased her wonder twin.  She did cartwheels with her big sister and handstands because it made Nonie happy.  All the while, her mama watched from only a few feet away.  She was near her mama who was smiling and feeling good and Wylie could forget she was sick.  

I pray my sweet Wesly won’t remember any of this, but I know I have missed so much.  She has grown up so much the past 6 months and I was in bed.  I didn’t hear her new words for the first time or see her tricks, funny looks, or sweet moments between siblings.  She has brought so much joy to our family.  God knew we would need her during this season.  I loved watching her walk the beach like she owned it.  Bossing around her big kids building sand castles.  Dancing with her “dance lips” out!  I will never forget the last morning at the beach.  It was a little colder than the other days.  I was sitting in the chair with Wes in my lap and towel over us both.  She sat there with me for probably an hour just taking in life.  Her daddy was next to us.  Holding my hand.  The bigs were running and dancing around.  My baby was in my lap and all was right with the world.  Mama wasn’t sick.  She was just mama.

Brother has had to listen to symptom after symptom.  He has had to wash hair, change my chill caps every 30 minutes for hours upon hours of chemo.  Given countless meds.  Watched his wife be in pain and not be able to fix it.  Held me when I cried.  Made me breakfast in bed everyday for 6 months (and beyond if I’m honest).  Tucked in kids alone.  Gone to church alone.  Worked full time not missing a day except for chemo days.  He has worked just as hard as I have to survive this process.  I could go on and on, but he knows he is my hero.  At the beach, he got to see his children do all of the above.  He got to enjoy them.  WE got to enjoy them together.  He got to hold my hand.  He got to take me on a date.  To a movie.  He got to watch me giggle with joy over crab legs, sand, waves, sun, beach, a tan!  He got to rest.  He got to watch baseball.  Fantasy draft.  He got alone time.  He still had to give meds and listen to symptoms and see me cry, but there was joy and hope mixed in this time.  It was different.  It was us.  

My parents, brother and in-laws got to come.  This was huge.  Of course they were a tremendous help with the kids and everything else for that matter.  But, I got to spend time with my parents.  I got to go on walks with my dad.  I got to sit by the ocean with my mom. I got to watch them with my children.  I got to eat crab legs with my brother and watch my oldest sneak up and get him with a bucket of cold ocean water!  I HATE that my parents have had to watch me go through this.  I know it hurts theirs hearts more than they can express.  They have been so brave and strong for all of us.  The love my parents have for me is overwhelming.  They have done so much for us.  Although, vacation with 4 kids under 7 is always a party.  I do think they got to rest and relax.  I know I wasn’t able to hide all sickness from them, but they still got to see me laugh and enjoy the little things that week.

My mother-in-law has come to help all but one chemo.  She has done my morning routine with backpacks and breakfast and getting ready and out the door more times than I can count now.  She has done laundry and dishes and checked on me, but at the beach she and my father-in-law got to enjoy their grandchildren without a schedule.  They got to watch jump competitions in the pool. Freeze tag on the beach.  Walks and looking for shells.  More cartwheels and handstands.  Conversations with their son.  They love the ocean.  They were able to see the ocean with their family.  

I spent hours every afternoon on the beach by myself with my sweet Jesus who has not left my side.  I listened to worship music and watched the waves roll in and out.  Some days I napped some.  Other days I prayed the whole time.  Sometimes there were words and others just feelings, but there was healing.  So much healing.  Tears could roll with no judgement.  I could grieve the time I have lost with my family.  The days at a job I love.  Being me.  Feeling good.  Friends.  I was able to tell God what I didn’t like about cancer and chemo.  I said thank you for showing me what really matters in life and for the countless little details He has taken care of.  I could beg for protection for my children’s hearts and strength for my husband and parents and inlaws.  I could praise for the friends that have stuck by me and joined me in the trenches everyday.  I could praise for my school and church families that have provided meals, funds, prayers, and support for my family.

I looked at the pictures of the condo we were going to stay in for months leading up to the trip.  In the chemo chair.  In my bed.  I sent them to remind my husband, parents, brother where we would be shortly.  And since I have looked through the pictures of the memories we made there.  In the chemo chair.  In my bed.  I watch the videos of cartwheels and dance parties over and over.  Brother even made me crab legs the first day I was able to eat after that first chemo home to remember how I felt there.  The pandora station of worship music I listened to at the beach has been a go to since being home.  It brings back the peace I felt on the beach.  My kids know my song “It Is Well With My Soul” and sing it loudly every time it comes on and look to see me smiling at the sound of their voices.  

I came home changed.  Refreshed.  Rested.  Ready to finish the fight.  

Waves of Grace is a nonprofit started by Jennifer and Mike because of a sweet soul lost too soon.  Jennifer’s mom.  They now send cancer patients on all expenses paid vacations to the beach.  Jennifer gets it.  I hate that she gets it.  I wish she never had to walk to this road, but she has used it for good.  So much good.  From the very second we shared my diagnosis, she was there.  When I reached out and said we needed a break.  We needed to get away.  We needed to forget.  She said yes.  She said they would make it happen and they did.  She has prayed for me and my family throughout this process.  I will never forget what she told me the night before my pet scan to see if the chemo was working.  She told me to visualize my cancer leaving my body and to put it on the cross.  Jesus died for my cancer, too.  I fell asleep that night with peace and praising Jesus.  The battle had already been won.  I just needed to be still.  He would fight for me.  

Friends, this organization has changed my life.  Please consider giving.  

They have a Silent Auction coming up soon for those local.  April 22nd at Tin Roof 2 in Cool Springs.  

They also have many runners raising funds by running the St. Jude’s Rock N Roll Marathon.  

http://www.active.com/donate/teamwaves2017

You can also go to their Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/Wavesofendlessgrace/

Or their website http://www.waves-of-grace.org/

Or email them rest@waves-of-grace.org

Pray.  Pray for Waves of Grace.  Pray for cancer patients.  Pray for their families.  Cancer is terrible.  Chemo is hard.  

Thank you Jennifer, Mike, Waves of Grace, and anyone who supports them.  Thank you will never be enough.

The Yanceys are super pumped to tell you that their mama's cancer is in REMISSION!!!!!  That’s right!! I had a PET scan this morning and it was all clear!  No cancer!  We are praising God big time!!!  Please join us!  

While the war has been won, the battle is far from over. I still have to finish 4 more months of chemo to prevent it from potentially returning, but, Lord willing, that should be it!   Still a long road ahead, but there is a light at end of the tunnel and we couldn’t be more grateful!  

Words can't adequately thank all of your for your kindness, love, support, prayers, encouragement, meals, gift cards, texts, cards, more meals, comments, and more prayers!  We are so very blessed by all of you!  Thank you for loving me so well.  Thank you for loving my family so well.  It blesses this mama’s heart more than you will ever know.

Chemo is Thursday and although that kind of makes me want to cry, I know God’s got this.  He has my back.  With Him, all things are possible.  Even making it through 4 more months of this roller coaster ride.  

Even as I sit here and type these words, it doesn't even seem real. To say " I am cancer free!" and still have only finished a third of this journey is a struggle. Even so, God is good. He has been so faithful.

“I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live.”  Psalm 116:1-2

Lazarus is Dead

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” is a question that tends to pop up during the bad times. When there is a terrorist attack or a terrible car accident or someone develops a life-threatening illness. I guess it’s human nature for us to try to make sense of everything. We have an inherent need to make things fit with our thinking. Why does a woman who is so loved and so full of light and life develop cancer? I’ve been pondering this question throughout our ordeal and I came to a staggering conclusion. Lazarus is dead.

Elizabeth and I have been blown away by the support and prayers and love that we’ve been shown both online and in person. As I read through all the loving and supportive comments, I started to notice messages of hope and love left by widows, widowers, and people who were still struggling in the middle of a battle for their own lives or for the life of someone that they dearly love. It hit me. God doesn’t always miraculously heal people.  There are many friends of ours who have been down the road we are currently on and they didn’t receive healing. Why not? Doesn’t God love us enough to heal us? So, as I usually do when faced with a dilemma, I turned to scripture. I started looking back at the stories of Jesus miraculously healing people. Jesus healed people 31 times in his earthly ministry according to the gospels.  He also raised 3 people from the dead (Lazarus, the daughter of Jairus, and the son of the widow at Nain.) You know what all those people have in common? They are all physically dead now.  So are the disciples, Mary (though some of my Catholic brethren may disagree but either way you are getting the point,) Joseph, and all the people that Jesus loved on, taught, and cared for during his time here on earth. There aren’t any 2000-year-old people walking around. Which means, no matter how miraculously that they were healed, raised from the dead, or beloved by Jesus, they eventually died a physical death. Lazarus, who was loved by Jesus and whose death caused the Son of God to cry, is dead. He is physically dead.  Death (the bad thing) doesn’t just happen to some people, it eventually happens to all people.

God is good because that is His nature. His goodness isn’t derived from the fact that He heals us because the truth is, He doesn’t always physically heal us. His ways and plans are much bigger than that. God’s plan has always been not to merely save us from death but to defeat death once and for all. Paul puts it this way in 1 Corinthians 15:

Death has been swallowed up in victory.
⁵⁵ Death, where is your victory?
Death, where is your sting?
⁵⁶ Now the sting of death is sin,
and the power of sin is the law.
⁵⁷ But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory
through our Lord Jesus Christ!

The threat of death (which is a result of sin) has always been that it separates us. It separates us from our loved ones. It separates us from our God. It separates us from our purpose. It separates us from the reason that we were created. By defeating death, Jesus made a way for us to be reunited with God, to fulfill our purpose, and to be who we were created to be.

So as we pray for Elizabeth’s healing and expect God to heal her, we praise Him that we need not fear death. We praise Him that when our time comes, that we will experience the fullness of Jesus’ victory over death.  

The best part is, you can too!! If you don’t know what it means to have the peace of knowing that death is not the end, PLEASE let us share with you the Savior that has defeated death once and for all!

So How Does Chemo Work? (The non-scientific explanation)

Ever wonder how chemo works? How do the chemicals that they put into your body specifically target cancer cells? Here is the simplified version of what I’ve found…

Chemo specifically targets cells that rapidly reproduce. When cells are cancerous, they replicate at a rapid pace and therefore are targeted by the chemo. However, cancerous cells aren’t the only ones that are targeted. Any cell that reproduces quickly is also targeted. These cells include the ones that make blood, the ones that make the lining of the stomach and digestive system, and the ones that make hair. This is why hair loss often accompanies chemo.

Now if you know Elizabeth, she can rock any situation and any look. She is so energetic and has such a magnetic and positive attitude that losing her hair isn’t something that would normally bring her down. The main concern that she had about losing her hair was how it would affect others. She was concerned about our kids being constantly reminded about mom’s sickness. She was concerned about the way that people would look at her. Not for the reason you might think. She isn’t embarrassed by it. She wanted people to be able to forget about the battle she was fighting. She wanted things to be normal, if only for a moment. That wasn’t going to happen as easily if she lost her hair.

For all of these reasons, we were both excited about an option that her oncologist mentioned at her initial appointment. She told us about a product called cool caps (there are multiple brands with various names.) The idea is that if the patient wears a really really really cold cap during chemo that it will reduce circulation to the hair follicles and cause them not to receive the chemo as it passes throughout her body. Therefore, keeping them from being attacked and thereby avoiding hair loss.

I feel like I should stop here and give a disclaimer. Every person’s body reacts differently to chemo (not to mention the 100’s of different chemo drugs that are used for treatment of different cancer types.) Elizabeth’s experience may be completely different than other people undergoing chemo. With that being said…

After that initial appointment, we started researching these cool caps. We were very fortunate to have a connection to a very generous woman who had just gotten finished with chemo and passed her cool caps on to Elizabeth.  We decided to go for it! Here is how it works.

Step 1: Two days prior to chemo Charlie (Elizabeth’s dad) gets two coolers full (some 80 – 100 pounds) of dry ice.

Step 2: Charlie gets up at 5:00 AM the day of chemo to put the 6 chill caps in the dry ice to have them completely frozen by chemo time. (He then meets us at the doctor’s office to deliver the caps in their coolers.)

Turban, Shower Cap, Cool Cap, COLD!

Step 3: Elizabeth wets her hair and scalp to keep her hair from insulating her scalp and keeping the cold away.

Step 4: She then puts on a turban and a shower cap to keep her hair from freezing to the chill cap (the caps get down to -20⁰ F.)

All Bundled Up

Step 5: 30 minutes before chemo begins, Elizabeth puts on the first cool cap. (This is by far the worst part of the process. Elizabeth says it’s like having a brain freeze for the first 5 minutes that she has it on.) And we set the timer for 30 minutes.

Step 6: After 30 minutes, we take the old cap off, put it back in the dry ice to refreeze, and put on the next cap.

This process repeats every 30 minutes for the 5ish hours of treatment and for an hour after. 

Cold... but still Elizabeth

In between treatments, Elizabeth can only wash her hair in cold water, can’t blow dry her hair, can’t straighten her hair, and can’t have any heat on her hair in any way.

So how is it working? So far, so good. Her hair has stayed intact for the most part.  She has been really pleased with the outcome!

Here is why we wanted to share this with you. First of all, we wanted to send a big thank you to Charlie for all of the hard work that he puts in so that using these cold caps are even possible. We also wanted to thank the family member (you know who you are) that has generously paid for the dry ice for each treatment (80-100 pounds of dry ice every other week is not cheap!) Thank you both so much!!! (Really these two are representative of all the support we've received from all of our friends and family. You love us so well. We can only pray that our actions show how much we love you all!!)

Secondly, we wanted you to know about the process so that as people you know are diagnosed with cancer, you can share Elizabeth's story and give them hope about keeping their hair. Amazingly, this has already happened. One of Elizabeth’s high school classmates put her in contact with a friend of hers that we’ll call Kayla (I don’t want to share her identity because each person’s story is theirs to tell and they deserve to be able to tell it whenever and to whomever they choose.) Kayla got diagnosed with Hodgkin’s a month or so after Elizabeth. Elizabeth has been able to help her understand the process and what is coming next. After Elizabeth’s chemo yesterday, we dropped off the cool caps and the dry ice for Kayla to use for her first chemo treatment today!  So for the next few months (assuming that they continue to work), we will use the cool caps on Thursday and pass them on to Kayla to use on Friday!

So in the end, if you know of someone going through chemo and they want to know about cool caps, direct them to us!

It's been a long, crazy week.

It's hard to believe that it has been a week since E’s counts were too low for chemo. So much has happened between then and now. I thought I would write an update because with all the craziness, we haven’t had to time to update everyone.

Tuesday 11/22 – Elizabeth went in for chemo. Unfortunately, her white blood cell count was too low (specifically her neutrophil count was extremely low.) This caused the doctor to postpone chemo and to put Elizabeth on an antibiotic with hopes of upping her neutrophil count.

Thursday 11/24 – Brother’s family came up for Thanksgiving dinner. The food was so good and we were so thankful to be surrounded by family. Later in the evening, Elizabeth’s tooth/ gum started hurting. (uh oh)

Fun in the ER

Friday 11/25 – This is where the story gets interesting. It turns out that neutrophils are crucial to fighting off infection. Elizabeth’s tooth/ gum became so painful that we called her doctor to get advice. They sent us to the ER with, what turned out to be, an infection. We arrived at the hospital around 8:30 pm expecting to be there for a few hours. She was admitted to the hospital at 1:30ish. The doctors thought there was too much risk with her body not being to fight off the infection. They needed her to stay to get IV antibiotics and to be there until her neutrophil count increased to a level where her immune system could be effective.

At least the kids had fun this weekend!

Saturday 11/26 – We thought we would get to go home. Her counts weren't good enough and her tooth still hurt. Elizabeth stayed in the hospital.

Thankful we get to watch church together!

Sunday 11/27 –  We’re never going to get to go home… at least that’s the way that it felt! Counts weren't increasing. Tooth felt better but still hurt. Brother had to leave her at the hospital and take the kids home. Hardest night ever.

Monday 11/28 – With Brother at work, Elizabeth’s counts were good enough to head home. Woo hoo!!!  

Counts are Up!!! Teeth are Great!

Tuesday 11/29 – Elizabeth’s counts were back to normal! Not even low! She also went to the dentist to get her tooth checked out and the dentist said she is good to go for chemo #2.

Thanks to everyone that has loved on us, prayed for us, and loved on our children! We love you! Keep praying! Chemo Round #2 is scheduled for Thursday. FINALLY!

It’s been a long, crazy week.

The Postponement (Psalm 100)

Update: Not the news that we were wanting to hear today. E's white blood cell count was too low so no chemo today. If you know my wife, you probably know that she is a planner and a check list kind of person. This is a really tough setback for us. We have been rescheduled for next Tuesday. Keep praying for..

1. Health for the rest of this week. Her white blood cell count was extremely low which makes her very susceptible to sickness. Pray that her white blood cells rebound and that she doesn't get sick.

2. Peace of mind. A lot of this journey has been hurry up and wait. Pray that God will help us remember that while we are surprised and disappointed, that He is neither of those things. He has a plan. All glory to Him!

3. Pray for the rest of her treatments. This setback changes her every-other-week schedule. So all of the weeks we thought would be chemo weeks and all the weeks we though would be recovery weeks will flip flop. Pray that all further treatments will go off without a hitch.

4. She will now have to have shots to stimulate her bone marrow to produce more white blood cells. This can be very painful. With new methods of injection, some of the side effects have been decreased. Pray that when she does have the shots (she will have one the day after every chemo session,) that the side effects are minimal.

We love you.

Psalm 100

1 Shout triumphantly to the Lord, all the earth. 2 Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs. 3 Acknowledge that Yahweh is God. He made us, and we are His — His people, the sheep of His pasture. 4 Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him and praise His name. 5 For Yahweh is good, and His love is eternal; His faithfulness endures through all generations.

Every Praise is to our God

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

My next chemo treatment is tomorrow.  Therefore, chances are good Thanksgiving will be a day in bed for me. So from our family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Thanksgiving can be every day and I am just so thankful. Yes, I am thankful for Lymphoma. Now that does not mean it has been easy or enjoyable or comfortable. This time last week I'm not sure I could have said I was thankful for this journey. I will not lie to you. I was in pain and I did not handle it perfect. I was scared, frustrated, so sad, lonely, and very discouraged. But it is not last week and in a few days I may need to read this to myself as a reminder!

I have been loved on unlike any other time in my life. I have been shown such grace and care by my sweet husband. My children have been cared for and loved by so many. They have gotten extra time with their grandparents! My parents have supported me in countless ways and have loved me courageously through this. My sweet mother in law not only did my morning routine with our crew but cared for me as well. I have had friends help me coordinate meals, sell tshirts, chart side effects in preparation for next time, walk kids to school, check on them when I wasn't there and show up to give my family an evening of normal. Needs were met before I even knew I had them. We have received kindness from people we didn't even know. Prayers have been prayed by so many and continually and they have so been needed and felt. Flowers and cards and food and texts and hugs and happys have appeared just when my heart needed them. 

I have felt so close to my Heavenly Father. He has been so faithful. His goodness has been all over this journey and I know He will not leave me. I am learning quickly that this journey is going to be a roller coaster ride and if you know me, you know I sob like a baby if forced to ride one! I have had those moments but I have also had tears of joy and overwhelming gratefulness. 






Thank you so much for caring, praying, loving, supporting, and praying some more. We thank God daily for you. Tomorrow if you think about it, will you please play specifically:

• My white blood cell count would be up and I would not have to get the shot to increase them.
• My liver levels would be normal so I can take typical pain pills from here on out.
• The appointment would go quicker than last time!
• Side effects wouldn't be as severe as last time.
• Gran Gran and Pop would arrive safely.

This was the first song yesterday at church and couldn't have been more perfect for how my heart was feeling and needing to express!

Every Praise

Every praise is to our God.

Every word of worship with one accord

Every praise every praise is to our God.

Sing hallelujah to our God

Glory hallelujah is due our God

Every praise every praise is to our God.

God my Savior

God my Healer

God my Deliverer

Yes He is, yes He is